Ben Sloot

Death, taxes, helpful advice. Inevitable.

I love my wife, even if I prefer to refer to her as #cohabitant or use her full maiden name when talking about her. But there are many things which she regularly does to drive me crazy. Chief among them?

Every time I pick up #chuck to soothe her, feed her, or generally shower her with praise a small voice comes from the couch, kitchen, or downstair bathroom… Welcome to the “I Woulds”

• I would bounce her
• I would hold her upright
• I would try to give her the bottle
• I would check her diaper

I never have to guess what the #cohabitant would do. She freely shares and repeats if I don’t immediately adopter her “I would.”

The worst part? She’s almost always right when it comes to interpreting #chuck. As much as I fight taking her advice, as soon as I adopt her suggested behavior, #chuck calms, quiets, or conks out.

Call it hubris, but I fight her recommendations as long as possible while #chuck squirms and I tell myself my instincts as a father are correct and I know better when I hold my daughter in my arms.

I don’t. Embrace the “I Woulds” you idiot.