Ben Sloot

My Super Power

I float. I’m not sure how, but I can kick my legs up in a pool and stare skyward for hours if necessary. If I ever fell off of a cruise ship and survived, I’m confident I’d float this dadbod along the ocean currents to undiscovered islands and spend the remainder of my days hunting wild boar, growing a hipster beard and drinking coconut water.

I hear you from the back row yelling “Body Fat Percentage”.

The Baby’s Super Power

I found myself wondering what Charlie’s superpower might be the past couple of days. My wife (MY WIFE!) said something to the effect of “Time really drags when Charlie is having a whiny day.”

My mother-in-law, who watches the baby while receiving endless instructions from her daughter (MY WIFE!), described a full shift with Charlie. “They’re such long days,” she said.

I bet you reached the same conclusion. My daughter developed the unique super power to SLOW DOWN TIME. She picks her spots. My wife says that her Mommy Facebook Group believes “Long days, short weeks.”

Now that I figured it out, I will spend hours imagining the best ways for her to take advantage of her superpower. I don’t believe she slows time down for herself, but only for those around her.

How can she capitalize on this power? What’s her ‘falling off a cruise ship’ dream scenario? Will she use it for good or evil??? Judging from the photo above, pure evil.

Other parents reiterate “time flies with your kid.”

I guess in 20 years, I’ll rewrite this post lamenting my daughter’s ability to speed up the clock.